To Bewitch a Perv, err, Sannin
by DotOnTheSpot
Summary: Hinata attempts to seduce Naruto and fails spectacularly, because she charmed the wrong person: his old perverted sensei. The one who calls himself the Toad Sage. JiraiyaHinata [crackpairing] Updated!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, so stop asking all ready.

Title: To Bewitch a Perv..., err, Sannin

Summary: Hinata attempts to seduce Naruto and fails spectacularly, because she charmed the wrong person: his old perverted sensei. The one who calls himself the Toad Sage.

Pairing: Hinata/Jiraiya, also some Kakashi/Sakura (had to put in the pairing I love), and maybe others

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A/N: Yes everyone, THIS IS A HINATA/JIRAIYA PAIRING. I guess you can say this is a crackfic with a crack pairing, but I'm going to try to make this story interesting, if I do continue it. This idea came to me while I working on my other fics, and I just had to write it down since I've never seen it before and wanted to give it a try. I have checked to see if there was a fic like this on this site, but I didn't find anything, so if someone has written this pairing please know I did not steal your idea.

So, if you want to read something different and maybe enjoy it, please continue reading this crazy idea. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT send a flame telling me this pairing is whack, because they would never get together, the age difference, they're opposites, blah, blah, blah. I don't care, since this is purely for entertainment, not realism. And I gave fair enough warning who the pairing will be, so don't send a review saying you read this and didn't know they were the couple, and yell at me for doing something so absurd and bizarre. Also, don't expect Hinata to yo-yo back and forth between Jiraiya and Naruto, because that isn't going to happen. It will be a relationship only involving Hinata and Jiraiya. Understand? Good.

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Warning: This story is rated M for a reason. With Jiraiya in the story, there is bound to be sexual situations. Also, the characters could and possibly be Ooc. And you just might get a laugh out of this story. Beware!

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Chapter 1

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Late evening snuck up on the traveling trio of ninjas from the Village Hidden in the Leaves. Though sundown had been only a few short hours ago, the three young individuals were in no rush to go home and decided to rest their bodies in an outpost town for the night. On their way back from a simple mission they had finished rather quickly, Naruto, Hinata, and Chouji felt they deserved this little reprieve because of the ridiculousness that ensued on the assignment. No details needed to be given, only that it involved a goat, a vat of soy sauce, a misplaced piece of expensive jewelry, a murky pond, a box of bird feathers, a sacrificing of ramen, and a whole hell-of-a-lot of awkward explanations. Enough said.

Finding the nearest and cheapest inn, they each got a single room on different floors. After the little incident, they preferred not to be in such close proximity to each other while they slept. Dropping of the packs in their respected quarters, Hinata offered to treat the boys to food and drinks to which it was readily agreed upon. Of course where to eat was argued about, but unfortunately for the loud mouth blond, the expansion jutsu user was allowed to choose since it had been the knuckle-headed ninja's fault in the mission fiasco. So a sheepish Naruto followed the other two to the first choice of dining (and silently still wept for his ramen he had given up to the goat).

As they walked to a third restaurant, Hinata let her mind wander away from the fight of which ramen flavor was the best to something she had been internally struggling with: how to seduce Naruto into her bed. It was not about love, but more about fulfilling a dream of hers to sleep with him. She had given up on the notion of being in a relationship with him, since she knew her father would not approve of it and that the blond jounin seemed emotionally immature for one. The young woman had been prepared to wait for him anyway, but at eighteen, soon-to-be nineteen, she was tired of standing by and let life pass her. She now only wanted one thing from him so she could peacefully move on, and that was at least one night of intense hot sex. And she was determined to have it.

Now sitting across from him and Chouji at the eatery that she unconsciously followed them into, the Byakugan user became resolute in her choice to have meaningless, passionate intercourse with the oblivious young man tonight. She felt it was the perfect opportunity to do so, since they were not in the Hidden Leaf Village and no one would have knowledge of their brief interlude. It was not as if she was ashamed, she just believed it was no one's business but her own. And she was going to keep it that way.

Finishing their meals, they headed to the local pub for a nightcap. Hinata wanted to jump up in glee, because part of her plan was to slightly intoxicate Naruto so he would be less resistant to her advances, and for her as well to help her carry out the plan. Though she desired to have him, she was still nervous as hell and needed something to loosen her up also. On top of that, she had to make sure their team mate had enough food to prevent him from interfering in any way. She did like the plump-cheeked ninja, but she definitely did not want him knowing her personal business. This was the only part of her little scheme that she knew was foolproof.

She was certain everything was going to fall into place when Chouji accepted her money and left to gorge himself on more food, and Naruto began to more than share the bottle of sake she had ordered while she took only small sips from her cup. What she didn't count on was the x-factor that rudely joined in on them.

Jiraiya of the Legendary Sannin. The perverted ninja who used to teach her unaware victim... err, target... uhm, object of intention.

The kunoichi wanted to scream out in frustration as the older jounin sat at their table to catch up on 'old times' with his former student. Calmly breathing in and out, she didn't let his appearance ruin her outlook on the night. She was going to have Naruto, and she was going to have him tonight.

But now as they started their fourth bottle, she was beginning to lose hope. She needed something to draw the Sannin away from them, so she could accomplish her goal. Hearing of his perverted tendencies, she searched for a nice woman to keep him occupied while she hauled off the blond to her room. Spotting a pleasant female who seemed to have her eye on the elder of their group, Hinata easily vacated the table and approached her. Talking for a few minutes and making sure she wanted the old man, the dark-haired girl brought the red-head to the table and introduced the two. Once the two were properly engaged in innuendo, she pulled Naruto out of his seat and excused them to head back to the inn. He protested for a moment until she pointed out that they had to sleep in order to wake up properly and head home early. Nodding sullenly and a little tipsy, they strolled somewhat drunkenly to the inn.

Though she had more sake than she wanted to, the kunoichi was steadfast in her decision to lead him to her room and have her way with him. As they approached the hallway to her quarters, her ploy was rudely thwarted again by the Sannin.

"Hey Naruto! Going to bed all ready?" The older man asked as he reached them.

"Wha?" The drunk young man responded before he shook his head to clear it out. "Yeah, I'm going to bed. I gotta get up in the morning and report back to the village. Why you asking?"

"Hmm, no reason at all." Evading the inquiry not so smoothly.

Nodding dubiously, "Uh-huh." Noticing his lack of company, he questioned him cockily. "Where's your lady? Didn't want an old guy like you, huh?"

Jiraiya gave him withering look. "She just couldn't handle me, that's all."

"Really?"

"Of course, she couldn't." Rubbing his chin with a wince, he added. "It had nothing do with her big, burly boyfriend with a mean right hook." Ignoring the blond's laughter, he turned to the female quietly standing there. "Well, if it isn't Little Hinata all grown up."

Blushing uncontrollably at his lecherous grin, she returned his greeting with a small bow. "Master Jiraiya."

Not liking the look his old sensei was giving the dark-haired girl, he cut in. "Hey Pervy Sage, don't smile at her like that."

"What do you mean, Naruto? I was only smiling." He said innocently.

Growling under his breath, "Sure, only smiling." He continued, "She's not one of those girls you usually pick up, so don't look at her like one."

"Oh, I get it. She's your girl." Approval in his tone.

"What!?! No, she isn't! She's just a friend!" The younger jounin exclaimed.

The girl in the middle of their debate simply tuned them out. Years ago, she would have been hurt from being called 'just a friend' by Naruto, but not anymore. She realized months back she wanted to fulfill her responsibilities to her clan and finally grow up. If she was with him, she doubted she would. He acted like a overgrown child most of the time, and she feared he would hold her back in that perspective. While he gave her the confidence she needed in her ninja skills, there was more to her than just being a kunoichi and she did want that separate life. And just because she didn't feel the same way she once did about him, it didn't mean she would miss out on the chance to sleep with him. If there was one thing she wanted most, it was to have sex with Naruto.

Breaking up their pointless argument of what exactly was her hair color, she interjected, "It is getting late, m-m-maybe we should all go to bed." And she blushed again at her unintentional slip.

Luckily, Naruto spoke first before the other could with what would have most likely been a sexual reference. "Our own beds, Jiraiya. So, get going."

Lifting his hands to placate the boy, "All right. All right." Flinging his arm around the blond's shoulders, "Let's go, Naruto. You are on the same floor as me, so say good night to your friend."

Grumbling a 'good night' and a wave from both, they left Hinata alone and stumbled towards the stairs.

Shocked for a moment at their abrupt exit, she hastily ran to her room and quickly modified her strategy. If she couldn't get Naruto to come to her, she would go to him. And she had to get there before he passed out. She struggled a little changing into a yukata (with nothing under it), because she was still slightly affected by the sake she drank earlier. It didn't matter to her for nothing was going to stop her.

Stepping into the hallway and climbing the stairs, she stopped at the entrance to the next hallway. It occurred to her that she knew he was on the third floor, yet she didn't know his room number. Fortunately for her, the two drunks were speaking in the hall about something. Keeping her body behind the wall, she peeked at them to watch as they parted ways. Ducking her head when the younger of the two glanced in her direction, she didn't get to see which room was his. She tried to activate her Byakugan, but failed since the alcohol was messing with her chakra to control it. She was only able to get a glimpse of an individual about to lie down in bed.

Figuring it was him since that was the door he was previously leaning against, she slowly tiptoed towards it. Stopping in front of what was blocking her from her goal, she gathered her courage. This was it. The one fantasy she did not let go of: she was going to sleep with Naruto. And she couldn't be more happier.

Too bad she didn't notice the slightly opened door across the hall where her real target was passed out inside of it against the wall as she entered the wrong room.

Closing the door behind her silently, Hinata stood absolutely still in the dark room. Well, it wasn't completely dark, just hard to clearly see in, but she could make the outline of his body in the bed. She saw his muscular chest rising evenly indicating he was asleep, and she almost didn't want to wake him up. Good thing she didn't care that he was sleeping. She was pretty certain he would just think he was dreaming while she took advantage of him. No, she meant, while they did something they both wanted. Yes, that was it. What they _both_ wanted.

After disrobing, she quietly guided her naked body around the objects on the floor and was soon by the bed. She could barely make out his face, but she knew he was still slumbering peacefully. '_Not for long._' Picking up the edge of the blanket, the kunoichi crawled onto his frame. She became nervous when he shifted but breathed an inward sigh a relief as he settled.

Turning her gaze upon where her hands were, she didn't hesitate in leaning down to rain light kisses on his shoulders then onto his neck. She had no idea where this boldness came from, and she wasn't about to complain when it was allowing her to follow through with her plans. Not bothering to figure out why his body felt bigger and more muscular than she thought it was, she guessed it had to do with never having touched him like this before and went on with her little exploration.

Loving the taste of a spring shower on his skin, she made her way to his mouth to sample his flavor there and awake him as well. First placing pecks on the corner of his mouth, she then licked his lips to have him open them for her questing tongue. When he did, she dipped in and was surprised to have his greet hers. She could taste the sake he drank earlier, and he most likely could taste it on her as well, but it didn't bother her one bit. Too distracted to look at his eyes, she engrossed herself in the smoldering kiss and didn't notice him flipping her underneath him. She had no clue on how he learned to do this considering she never saw him with anyone, and she knew how by practicing with an understanding Shino. But this... this was beyond anything she had ever participated in.

Letting the thought of his experience float from her mind and closing her eyes to the sensations, she savored the feel of him tearing his mouth away to trail kisses down her throat and further. She basically lost her ability of coherent thinking as he swiftly engulfed a puckered nipple in his hot mouth. Gasping out loud as he returned to suck at the base of her neck, she writhed on the bed as his large hands roughly massaged her breasts.

She didn't know what to do with her own hands, so she let them tightly grip the sheets beneath her as he began to travel down her body again. He stopped to nip and suckle her stiff nipples once more before continuing on. Panting as he worshipped her stomach, her legs down to her toes and back up, she tensed when he paid special attention to her inner thighs. He was very close to her burning core and it was unmistakable what he going to do, and she was unsure if she wanted him to. She had read of oral sex and heard others speak of it, but she didn't think she was comfortable with that. It was something that kind of grossed her out, and she raised her arm to prevent him.

Instead, she cried out as he vigorously assaulted her warm wet folds and bundle of nerves. One of her hands grabbed his hair, and she absently noted it was a little thicker than she thought but didn't care. The pleasure coursing though her was immeasurable. His lips, his tongue, and his fingers were working magic on her aroused body. Soon the pleasure became too much and with a flick of his tongue on her nub, the air left her lungs and she released into his awaiting mouth. She tried to get her breathing under control yet it was difficult, because he kept feasting on her feminine flesh. He wouldn't leave her over sensitized area, and she couldn't begin to count the number of orgasms she had.

Finally listening to her whimpers, he left her with one last lick and prowled up her shivering figure. He languidly teased the tips of her breasts into hard peaks before settling his panting face at the side of her neck. She heard him murmur some words and vaguely thought his voice seemed a little deeper. However, Hinata forgot what she was thinking when she felt how aroused he was between her legs and moaned at how near she was to living her fantasy. He heard her moan and moved his hips to position himself at her entrance. The kunoichi tightened her arms that she had lifted to wrap around his now sweating waist to encourage him to go on.

He pushed into her with one sharp thrust and halted once he was in up to the hilt. The dark-haired girl groaned lowly as she felt her walls stretching to accommadate him. It didn't hurt as she thought it would have thanks to her ninja training, but it did sting a little since he did enter her fiercely and was definitely bigger than she expected. But this was all beside the point; it was heavenly to be connected with Naruto like this. And she knew it was only the just the start of the festivities.

The Byakugan wielder moaned when he began to grind his pelvis against hers in a circle. He did this for a few minutes to stimulate her before he withdrew his length and gently thrusted back in. Once she got used to the motions, he quickened his pace with harder strokes. And she clawed at his back when he pierced her faster after hearing her pleas for more.

Hinata was lost in a world of pleasure and paid no attention to him lifting her leg. She did take heed, however, as the new angle had him hitting a spot that soon sent her to a shattering climax. The young woman let out a silent scream with her release, and felt him thrust once more before emptying inside of her and collapsing on her.

Both labored for air as they recovered from the activities and soon began to relax. She leisurely rubbed his back to further calm him, and he planted soft kisses on her jaw line to soothe her. He eventually pulled out of her and laid next to her on his back, then he dragged her on top of him to rest. He did rouse her from her light slumber for two more rounds of gratifying sex before they dropped from exhaustion.

Even though there was some unusual things concerning Naruto, she had never felt so satisfied in her life.

In the morning, the kunoichi fought through her grogginess to greet the day and let a smile cross her face as she thought of the reason for feeling so. She couldn't believe she finally did it. She had amazing sex, and numerous times too, with Naruto. Hinata hoped he wouldn't be mad at her for what she did, nevertheless she was sure he would be okay after she explained herself to him. Yes, he could be childish, but he was a very considerate and compassionate person. Not wanting to delay the inevitable conversation, she blinked her eyes open and was horrified at what she saw.

Rather than seeing blond hair and a young man, she was met with white hair and a much, _much_ older man.

Instantly sitting up to figure out why she was with the Sannin, she ignored the fact she was straddling his lap and concentrated on how she could have possibly confused not only their rooms, but their bodies as well.

Biting her bottom lip anxiously, she ventured to ask him. "Uhm, M-m-master J-J-Jiraiya.?"

"Yeah." He replied absentmindedly.

She was about to voice her question when she noticed his wide-eyed stare and bloody nose. Following his line of sight, she realized he was ogling her breasts and his hands were heading towards her chest. Slapping his arms out of her way, she hopped off of him and futilely tried to cover herself up with her own hands.

"What's the point in hiding yourself when I've seen it all, Doll Face?" He told her without one ounce of shame in his voice, after he had turned his body sideways and propped his head on his fist.

"I-I-I... y-y-you... w-w-we..." She stuttered pathetically.

"Yes, we..." He didn't finish, because at that moment the one she was supposed to have sex with came in.

"Hey, Pervy Sage! Did... H-H-Hinata?" The young jounin stammered at her nude form.

The girl in question wanted to die in embarrassment. She messed up mightily last night and couldn't figure out how. The kunoichi needed to do something and did the only thing she could do.

She ran out of the room in her birthday suit passed the fainted and bloodied-nosed Naruto.

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So, what do you think? Does anyone like this crazy idea? Should I continue this? If I do, just know that I'm going to throw in some drama with the humor and romance to make it more well-rounded, but nothing too serious and I will add more humor as the story goes on. I'm not entirely happy with the chapter, but I wanted to get it up. Maybe I will go back and edit it someday. And don't ask what their mission was, because I ain't saying. Use your imaginations. ;0)

I hope no one minded at how I portrayed Hinata. I do believe she would think the way she did if nothing materialized between her and Naruto. I know it may seem harsh, but I wanted this fic with her not still infatuated with him. And I hope no one complains on how she could have confused them. She was drunk and didn't care about the differences when all she wanted sex. I will explain more eventually. Also, the 'lemon' was not described fully (and better) on purpose. I wanted it to be just sex and nothing too intimate, because that will happen later on as the relationship progresses.

Next chapter will backtrack a little to explain how Jiraiya was at the same town and what he was thinking with Hinata. That is, if I write it. If you want me to continue, kindly leave a review. And please refer to my first a/n regarding flames, because I will not be kind to anyone who does send one (and make sure you leave your email so I can ridicule you).

Please Review!!!

DOTS

Shameless Plug: If you happen to like the Kakashi/Sakura, please feel free to read (and review) my other Naruto stories. Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2 Part I

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto.

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**A/N:** (Hmm, I wonder if anyone will actually read this.) Anyway, long time, heh? Personal and health issues had gotten in the way again, so I had no real energy to write on my multi-chapter stories. But, I'm trying. There was another thing that kind of bothered and dissuaded me from writing. Someone else has written a Jir/Hin story, which doesn't bother me, but that reviewers are giving this person credit for coming up with the pairing does. If this person knows they didn't come up with this pair (that is, IF I was the first one to), shouldn't they have the decency to give the credit to person who did. I'm not asking for a shrine and worship, but for common courtesy. Now, I wouldn't be complaining if weren't for the fact that one author had copied my idea and slightly changed one thing and passed it off as their own, and another author copied a _very_ distinct line from one of my one-shots and just changed the POV of it. Chumps! In my very first fanfic, a Sess/Kago one for the Inuyasha section, I gave the proper credit to the author that I borrowed the idea from, because it was so original, and I believed it was the right thing to do. It's just ticks me off that some people are either ignorant or think it's beneath them to show some courtesy to their fellow authors. Argh! Whatever. That was just my little rant that I had to get off my chest, which I'll probably somewhat repeat when I update a certain Kaka/Saku story of mine.

Anyway, thanks to all who reviewed the first chapter. Hopefully, you all stuck around to read and review this next one. ;0)

Also, I would like to say something to a reviewer, if she has the balls to check this story again, who was too big of a coward to leave her email...

**_Kate_**: You know what? You're a bitch! It's one thing to complain/insult the story itself, but it's another to insult an author, especially one you know **nothing** about. How stupid can you be? This is a crack pairing in a crack fic. It's not real! So, if you can't understand that, then **you** are the one with issues. And if you going to flame someone, then use proper grammar and punctuation. Moron.

Whew. They may have sounded mean when it just a short little line, but damnit, I'm pms-ing and this person is going to get the brunt of it (and it boils over from another ignorant reviewer from adultfanfiction . net, but that's for another day). On with the story...

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**Important:** This chapter was getting too long, so it's split into two parts. Also, I decided to be a little extra creative in Jiraiya's subplot to perhaps add some humor to the ridiculousness of this story. It will be brought up again in later chapters.

**Warning:** This story is rated M for a reason. With Jiraiya in it, there is bound to be sexual situations.

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Chapter 2, Part I

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After the naked Hyuga ran for it out of his room with a slam of the door, Jiraiya merely smiled at her exit while ignoring the unconscious blond who was now snoring on his floor. Shaking his head with an amused chuckle, he leaned over to his side table to grab a notebook and pen. Flipping it open and laying it next to him on the mattress, the older jounin began to furiously scribble ideas and notes for upcoming issues of his infamous IchaIcha series. This passed night with the lavender-orbed beauty was fueling his inspiration, and he had to get it all down before it floated from his mind, which he doubted it would any time soon. If he wasn't so busy writing right now, the Sannin would have gone and chased her to give a well-appreciated kiss for her wonderful timing.

He had come to this town to alleviate some stress, because he had a major case of writer's block and his editor was demanding another issue when he had nothing to give. It wouldn't be such a big deal if Naruto was still traveling with him, then he would have passed on the work to the young man to ghostwrite for him again. Since he wasn't, Jiraiya had to hide out... rest, that's it... rest in this quaint little community to rejuvenate his writing muscles so he could properly continue his series.

Shivering slightly as a chill went up his spine, the Sannin warily looked around the room to see if someone was there and only saw Naruto still snoring away. Feeling ridiculous for the foolish notion that someone was actually in his room and giving him the evil eye, he went back to his writing, but stopped a few minutes later when the same creepy feeling came again. Double-checking that the younger man was _still_ out cold and nobody else was with them, he attempted to continue with his writing, yet could not and he was getting annoyed.

For some strange reason, the little piece of himself that he calls his conscience was nagging him. Not knowing why when he was only thinking in his mind in the first place, his _conscience_ did not like the fact that he was lying to _himself_ about the **real** reason he was here. Grumpily yielding to his inner voice, and wondering at his sanity for doing so, he admitted the basis on which he came to this town: he was running for his life.

Okay, maybe not for his life, but he sure was running, and it all stemmed from a case of mistaken identity. So, now he was being chased by a group of large-breasted kunoichis (How did they know his weakness? Uh, nevermind.) who want nothing more than to 'beat his old perverted ass' (their words, not his) and drag it back to face justice.

It had started over a month ago when he innocently wandered into a small village for a quick break from his 'researching'. Jiraiya simply wanted some sake from any pub and a night in a clean bed at the local inn. As he strolled towards the first bar he saw, the Sannin was immediately halted by a large group of rather angry looking people. Confused by the furious glares directed at his person, he attempted to walk around them, but they wouldn't allow him. He tried to go a different route, however he couldn't, because they had surrounded him in a crowded circle. Now getting slightly annoyed, he had asked what was the reason for them to corner a traveling visitor to their village. Their response had him stunned silent.

Apparently, he had stolen the virtue of a young woman betrothed to a lord who was to shower the tiny village with money and gifts for the girl, and the wedding that was supposed to happen the next day was now called off and the gifts were taken back, because of his 'stealing'; and the people wanted retribution.

For once being innocent of any wrongdoing, Jiraiya had told them it was impossible for him to do such a thing when he had only just arrived in the town. Of course, they did not believe him, because he had seemingly fit the description of the perpetrator. Again denying the accusation, he demanded to know the details of the offender and was floored by what turned out to be an almost exact depiction of him. He had never been here before, yet they had him down to a T, and he couldn't figure out how. Knowing there was only one way to clear his name, the Sannin requested to come face to face with the accuser so he could defend his reputation (he knew he was a pervert, but it did not mean he took every woman he met and certainly not ones who were engaged or married).

When silence met his request, he became highly curious at the eyes that avoided looking at him and the nonchalant whistling of a few. Imploring once more to meet the person who cited him on such an act, the leader of the group and village came forward to clarify that it was not the woman, but they themselves that sought justice.

Baffled by the response, he listened as the headman explained how the girl's father had found her ravished in her bedroom and the tail end of something white exiting out the window. But before he could go after the culprit, the advisor sent by the lord to keep an eye on his fiancée had come into the room and promptly cancelled the wedding upon seeing the state of the woman. The father had begged the advisor to not be so hasty in his decision as it could have been a misunderstanding. They both had turned to his daughter, and the nervous parent pleaded with his child to tell them that she had been taken advantaged of and not willingly slept with the scoundrel.

To their astonishment (and the father's horror), she dreamily told them to the best of her abilities of his looks and how the man introduced himself as an author of adult novels to her two weeks before. Each night he visited her and steadily began to seduce her with the sultry words of his erotic books until she finally succumbed to him the previous night. The young woman had then loudly claimed her seducer had given her a passionate evening she would never forget, and that no man would ever replace the being who not only stole her body but her heart as well.

After hearing her words, the advisor stood steadfast with his earlier declaration, and immediately left the house to tell the headsman and everyone else of the girl's impropriety and indiscretion; and the withdrawal of the engagement and the generous gifts. Of course, just after being told the news and what the man looked like is when the jounin happened to enter the village where they had pounced on him to punish him for his _dirty deed_ (which at this point in time, they were still surrounding him like a bunch of men watching a wet t-shirt contest).

Flabbergasted was a word that Jiraiya never thought he would use to describe how he felt at that exact moment (but also flattered that at least his imposter lived up to his books and gave the girl an outstanding night). Not only were these people accusing him of taking the young woman, but some man was going around proclaiming to be him by using his status as a 'legendary' writer to get lucky. However, the ninja couldn't figure out if the phony person existed, or if the girl had an overactive imagination in defining her 'lover'. He could only think that she must have read his books and heard about his features. (After all, he was the famous Toad Sage. Who hadn't heard about him, eh?)

But something wasn't sitting right with him about this whole mess. Why was there such an emphasis on his clothes and the color of his hair? Nobody said anything regarding his face or voice, which he thought was odd. He knew to accurately identify a person, _every_ little detail must be given and gone over before determining whether or not you had the right individual. Yet, none of them had done this and assumed he was the culprit since he _seemingly fit_ the description. And the fact that the leader mentioned she described him to the _best of her abilities_. What did that mean?

Again insisting on meeting the woman to prove once and for all he was not guilty of the crime, someone finally listened to his demand and went to retrieve her. When the messenger returned with whom he guessed was the father and the girl, the Sannin was shocked by what he saw. While he was known for his skills more than his smarts, it wouldn't take a genius to figure out what the thin straight cane that she was using to lead her meant. She was BLIND!

Oh, how he wanted to jump and down in glee and full of giggles. This had to be the most amusing thing to happen to him. Certainly someone was playing a joke on him, and boy, did they get him good. Making him, Jiraiya of the Legendary Three Sannin, think he was being accused of such a dastardly act. What a kidder! (And what a bastard!)

As he tried to look for the rascal behind the good (but not nice) prank, the white-haired man was brought of his search when the village leader whispered to him that the young woman may appear to have no sight, she could make out color and shapes with limited detail. She was technically _legally blind_, however she had enough of her vision to describe her 'lover'; which all the info she gave still pointed to **him**. A flash of momentary trepidation coursed through his body at the news of her minimal eyesight, but he forged ahead to show these wack-jobs... err, people that he did not sleep with the girl.

Except that all went down the proverbial shithole as soon as the words "excuse me, miss" left his mouth.

Squealing happily, the excited _blind_ woman made a bee-line without interference towards the stunned man and jumped up to wrap her arms around his neck and hug him tightly. Normally, Jiraiya would have enjoyed any kind of attention he could get from a female. But with this lass, he never wanted to ogle a woman's body ever again (okay, the stress was talking; as if he could stop undressing a lady with his eyes), get the hell away from her and never look back before the situation got worse.

Of course, since he thought that, it _did_ become more worse for the Sannin. As his arms hung lifelessly at his sides, the girl placed kisses all over his face while saying "my love, you've come back" repeatedly _and_ **loudly**. And she added that they "could be together forever" and "no one will _ever_ separate them." With that announcement, complete and utter dread filled his being.

Feeling the burning and hateful gazes of the group upon them (specifically him), Jiraiya knew he was in deep trouble. These people most likely wanted to tar and feather him, _and then_ skin and burn him alive for not only taking away their monetary benefaction, but for humiliating them as well (even if it really wasn't him).

Now really fearing for his safety for first time that day, the jounin desperately tried to untangle the girl's arms from his body as he searched for a way to escape. But as he scanned for a route, something caught his eye. Hiding behind a small building, a person's head peeked out to watch the commotion, and this person looked vaguely familiar for some reason. Scrutinizing what he could see of the individual, he realized with a sinking stomach who the person was, and all pieces began to fit on how he could get caught in this mess.

It was none other than Bae, his extreme, obsessive number one fan; and the **bane** of his existence.

While Kakashi was an admirer of just his books, this man was a devotee of _everything_ Jiraiya and his work as an author. Not only could he recite word for word each volume of IchaIcha, he even dressed like a poor imitation of him to complete the look. The clothes were the easy part to emulate, however the hair was another story; Bae was a balding man with little grey hair left on his sides that he swept across his forehead in a terrible comb-over. He simply put a long, wild white wig on top of his head, and woefully left the comb-over to represent the headband he wore and went as far as to write the symbols directly onto his forehead.

When he met the slightly older man at a book signing, he fell off his chair in laughter. People coming in costume was nothing new to him, since they always came as the characters from the series (those cosplayers sure knew how to come in style). It was the first time someone had dressed as him, and it was the most ridiculous sight he had ever seen. Sure, there were people who wanted to _be_ him, but no one wanted to _look_ like him, and that was fine by him. He was a unique individual after all (one of a kind, really), and he preferred it that way. But evidently, Bae wished to worship and mimic this distinctiveness.

After recovering from his bout of guffawing and crawling back into his seat, the weirdo... uh, man began to show the 'seriousness' of his effort by delivering, in a voice similar to his own, the prologue of the just released book (of that morning, no less). When he finished, the oddball said he had read every single volume of IchaIcha and knew all the words, because he felt they were reflecting his sex life in written form (yeah, keep dreaming buddy). He even read his autobiography (which was unauthorized, and was more fiction than reality) and could feel the connection between them since they were so similar (a well-known and powerful ninja to a civilian nutcase; similar _indeed_).

Interrupting his prattle on how alike they were and what good friends they would make, the Sannin hurriedly stood to head for the exit while shouting his excuse over his shoulder. He had to get out there at that moment, or else he would be stuck listening to a loon going on and on about his _love_ for him and IchaIcha. And as the jounin bolted for the door (with a few pats to the bottoms of several 'lucky' females), he heard the promise in his fan's voice that they would meet up again.

Sure enough, he did come across him at other book signings, bars, gambling halls, and shows of an indecent nature (_hello_... _strippers_). Wherever he looked, there he was wearing that ludicrous outfit (the original was better), and telling anybody and everybody that he was the author's favorite fan and that the author came to **him** for insight into 'provocative' sex scenes. Sometimes, he went as far as to say he was his long-lost brother and he was making it up for the missed time by writing _his_ biography into the pages of IchaIcha (oh, the indignity).

Finally having enough of the man's exasperating fanaticism (and maddening shenanigans), he pulled Bae into an alley one night away from the nude... uhm, strip... err, 'entertainment complex' he was heading toward (well, both of them were heading toward). After slapping him around for a bit to make sure the old fart paid attention (and to remove that stupid wig), the Sannin told him in no uncertain terms that he was to stop following him, refrain from speaking to him, and cease all contact (physically and imaginarily) with him and his beloved IchaIcha. Then smacking him a couple more times with a few punches in the mix for good measure to get the point across, the jounin left the dazedly grinning fool on the ground hoping beyond hope that he would listen and never see the nitwit again.

But now it was more than evident that Bae did not hear one word he had said and lost what little sanity he had left. Instead of becoming a disgruntled and bitter fan, the crazy coot had the audacity to use his name and persona (and a badly done outfit) to claim he was _the_ Jiraiya for either misguided revenge on him or delusions of grandeur for himself (and to score some chicks it would appear).

Because of him, he was stuck in this situation, and the zaniness had to end once and for all. And what better way to do so, then to put the blame where it rightfully belonged. On the 'sneaky' hiding man, Bae.

Uncomfortably clearing his throat to gather everyone's notice (kind of redundant since they were still staring hatefully at him), Jiraiya vehemently declared he was not the culprit, and that the real person responsible was _here_ amongst them. They all looked skeptically at him and proceeded to close in on their two figures, but the group stopped when he yelled and pointed in the direction of where the poorly concealed Bae stood on the other side of the minor house.

With all of them thoroughly distracted in attempting to see who he identified (wow, what idiots), the Sannin pried the arms of the amorous blind girl off him, and as soon as he could he formed the necessary hand signs to get out of Dodge and away from these nutsos. Unfortunately for him right before he disappeared, he saw the townspeople turn back with fire in their eyes for his 'trickery' to have them look the other way. Apparently, his obsessive fan had enough sense to get out of sight before anyone saw him and then punish him for his acts with the young woman. Now, it seemed like he tried to pull one over their heads instead of fessing up to his 'crimes', and he vanished from their view with a feeling of dismay (and the heebie-jeebies).

About a week or so later, the jounin was confronted by the well-endowed breasts... _ahem_, kunoichis sent out to retrieve his 'old perverted ass' for his penalties against the small village. When they did not listen to or believe his explanation (if their incredulous faces were anything to go by), Jiraiya did a few 'fancy' jutsus to sidetrack them and skedaddled out of there with his hide in tact.

Days of evading followed the first encounter with a couple close-calls in the mix. The women had used their feminine wiles to the up-most advantage and nearly caught him in their scantily-dressed grasp. But luckily for him, the Sannin was able to resist the charm and lure of their supple bodies to avoid any traps (_thanks for the show ladies_) and escape 'physically' unscathed. Eventually several, and well-placed, clones threw the 'hunters' off his trail, and he continued his 'researching' travels unhindered.

After traversing the countryside for nearly two weeks, Jiraiya entered the outpost town for a little R and R (and hopefully, no crazy accusations, angry townspeople, 'blind' women, **or** Bae), and get some well-deserved rest and plenty of sake. With drinking at the forefront of his mind (just like a former team mate of his) after he checked into the cheapest inn (he wanted to keep a low profile), the white-haired man ventured toward the local pub.

Upon walking in the joint, he was surprised to see his ex-student there draining a glass, and apparently enjoying more than his share of the bottle from his female companion of the Hyuga clan. Shrugging his shoulders at the notion that he might be intruding, the jounin sat at their table to happily share the alcohol and catch up with Naruto.

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To be continued...

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So, what did you think? Too out there? I just thought of an idea that might be amusing and used it, because I didn't want a too serious plot. Did anyone like the character of Bae, my first original character? Would you guys like to see more of him? I all ready have a plan for him, so if you want to see him again, please leave a review and tell me what you think. Now, I'm wondering if it's too ridiculous. Hmm... Am I pushing it too much? Did I get the point across? I know I wanted it to be entertaining and humorous, but did I manage that? --bites nail nervously--

The second part of chapter 2 is about done with just some editing to do, so you don't have to wait long for it. Do you want to read what Jiraiya was thinking when he had his way with Hinata? Maybe Naruto's reaction? Want to see what happens next? If you do...

Please be kind and review!!!

DOTS

P.S.- Again, shameless plug for my Kakashi/Sakura stories. Go on, and read and review those as well.

**P.P.S**.- CAN ANYONE HELP ME WITH SOMETHING? I need someone who has read ALL of the Naruto manga so far, and please tell me if anything has ever been written or hinted that Kakashi and Genma are friends. As in them hanging out at a bar or going on a mission together (where they're specifically teamed up with each other, you know more interaction than being team leader/team mate kind of thing; not yaoi). Please I need to know. I want to write this mock fic/parody, and I need to be sure of this info before I write it. I would really appreciate it.


	3. Chapter 2 Part II

Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto.

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A/N: Hey there, everyone. First, I want to thank you for the reviews, because they do mean a lot to me (though I do need to get better at replying to them; bad me). Sorry it took so long to update this, but my health and personal problems had me distracted, and I kind of got stuck trying to finish the end of this chapter. I only hope it was worth the wait.

Anyway, my little rant from last chapter was just me letting off some steam from something else that I had no control over, so I don't want anyone thinking I'm some kind of authormonger who won't let anyone write this pairing. I'm all for anyone who wants to write this pairing, or any pairing they feel like writing about. But if you use a similar plotline or borrow an idea from someone else's story, then you should definitely give credit to the person who you took it from. So, I hope mjrahabim got my reply and apology for making it seem like I was pointing fingers when I didn't mean too, and I do hope you continue your story.

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Important to this story: I've decided to write Jiraiya a little differently than what people might perceive him to be. Mainly that though he is an outright pervert in looking at women and trying to flirt with them, he is not scoring with every female he meets. This is fanfiction, so I'm taking the liberty of writing how I want to write his character the way I feel like it. If you don't like it, don't bother sending me a flame when I just stated this is fanfiction (and obviously AU). I'm the author of this work, and I'm going to use my creative freedom to write it how I see fit. (I felt like I had to say this now before someone complains to me about it.)

Also, I'm still not sure about the ending of this chapter, but I just wanted to get this done and over with. If it seems rushed, ridiculous, or Ooc, just remember it's sticking with the silliness of this story. And you might notice that some words/sentences are similar in describing certain things during the Jir/Hina 'love scene' in this chapter from the first one, because it's meant to. I did that purposely to make it seem like they are both 'feeling/seeing' the same thing, but from different point of views of course.

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**Warning**: This story is rated M for a reason. With Jiraiya in the story, there is bound to be sexual situations. Also, the characters could and possibly be Ooc. And you just might get a laugh out of this story. Beware!!!

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Chapter 2, Part II

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As two of them began their fourth bottle, Jiraiya noticed the agitation of the Byakugan wielder, but ignored it in favor of the tempting red-head sitting at the bar. He was more than surprised when the young kunoichi got up and went over to the other woman to have a little chat, with him as the topic of discussion by the way they kept looking at him.

However, he didn't complain one bit as they both returned to the table, and the red-head started to flirt shamelessly with him (what can he say, he was irresistible). And when the other two stood to leave, he barely paid attention to the girl saying something about heading back to the inn. The Sannin wasn't worried since they were staying at the same place (he was informed by the drunken blond), and he was too busy with his new lady friend to care.

After a few more drinks, he and the red-head exited the bar to mosey on to his room for some late-night hanky-panky. He was almost giddy with excitement at the thought of getting some action. It had been awhile since he had been with a woman, and he felt like falling to knees to thank Kami for the 'loving' he was about to get tonight. But of course, nothing seemed to be going right for him these days.

Just as they stepped outside, a big, burly man came rushing at them and socked him good with a mean right hook (maybe he _did_ have a little too much sake). Shaking the wooziness away, the jounin heard the man and the woman arguing over his prone body. From what he could figure out, it appeared that the 'giant' was the red-head's boyfriend and that the Sannin was being used to make the man jealous, on account of him making a pass on some hussy, and she was getting even by teasing the older man (which crushed him internally, because that meant he was **not** getting any this night). Leaving the two to solve their problems (and to not get hit anymore), Jiraiya grumpily went to the inn for now much-needed sleep (and perhaps a cold shower).

While climbing the first flight of stairs, he happened across the Hyuga girl trying to lure his former disciple towards what he assumed would be her room. Still ticked off that he had no company for the evening, the white-haired man concluded that it was only fair no one else should get lucky if he wasn't (which he believed they were trying to do).

Proud of his decision, he called out to Naruto and made small talk while discreetly watching the young woman's reaction. He could see the frustration on her pretty face because her 'seduction' was being ruined by his presence (oh, he knew her _plan_ all right seeing as he failed at it **many** times before), so he decided to 'torment' the girl for some fun (it was better than the boy laughing at him). Greeting her with a sly comment and his most lecherous grin, Jiraiya was pleased to see the blush spread across her cheeks and down her neck. However, he didn't get another chance to do anything else, because naturally Naruto butted in once he saw his charming smile directed her way.

The older jounin seriously wanted to laugh when the blond inferred that he shouldn't be sizing up the kunoichi like the other women he usually _picked up_ to sleep with. The funny part was he actually never had sex with the ladies who kept him company **only** at the bar. He could wine and dine them, but couldn't 'seal the deal' as they didn't want anything other than to be seen with him and get a free meal out of it.

In truth, it probably had been over two years or so ago (ok, it was more, but who was counting) since he had slept with a female. He was walking through the woods one day when he came upon a woman living in a cabin. She introduced herself as 'Shina' and told her tale of why she lived alone. The late-thirty-ish female was a widow who had lost her husband several years earlier and choose to move away from her hometown because the memories were too painful.

As she finished her story, the Sannin did his best to comfort her and was quite surprised when she asked if he would had sex with her (now _that_ was out of the blue). He was going to refuse her request (damn his conscience), but she pleaded that it had been so long and she only wished to feel the touch of a man once more. Before her unshed tears could fall, he gave in and they had wild, hot sex all night, in several positions, on many surfaces.

The next day while merrily strolling in a nearby village he overheard a couple of police officers warning a group of men and women to beware of the solitary female living in the forest. Curious as to why they would warn anyone about sweet 'Shina', he moved closer to hear better and almost went into shock at what was said.

Apparently, _sweet_ 'Shina' was 'Marise' the sex-aholic who was arrested and banished from the village for her out of control behavior (sex slaves was beyond pushing it) and was sentenced to live out her life in a lonely existence with no sexual partners remotely close by (unfortunately he did not know this and was her 'willing' victim; at least he was not made a sex slave... and that was bad, because...?). After that incident, the white-haired man stopped making the effort of 'trying to seduce' a bed partner and stuck with looking at the female body (he did need to research after all).

Breaking away from his momentary lapse, Jiraiya spoke before the blond could and insinuated Hinata was _his_ girl. As he denied the implication, the older jounin watched as the young woman calmly and quietly accepted the boy's declaration like it was nothing. He had thought for sure there was something between the two, but it would seem he was mistaken. By her earlier attempt, it now was clear she yearned for Naruto to simply sate her needs and nothing else.

Damn himself to hell, but he wished he was the knucklehead. To have that hot piece of ass wanting to jump his bones would be a dream come true. Alas, this was reality so that would definitely not be coming true in this lifetime (hehe).

Hating the gloomy feeling from the last thought, he started a petty argument about what exactly was the kunoichi's hair color. The younger jounin believed it was purple, while he insisted it was a deep violet (and wondering if it was the same hue _down there_). Fortunately, their pointless fight was broken up by the girl whose hair color was in question with a darling little comment about all of them going to bed. Before he could suggest some sort of innuendo, Naruto chimed in with a 'clarification' and prompted him to get moving to his own room.

Yielding to the command (the day was wearing on him), the Sannin dragged the blond boy along just to foil the girl's plan. Even if she wasn't planning on going all the way (maybe she only wanted to be _hand_led), he was sticking to his previous internal proclamation of making sure no one he knew got any action this night (hmm, perhaps he was a bitter old man).

Once they reached their rooms, he prevented Naruto from entering his own and pushed him against _his_ door. The older jounin had a couple of questions for the blond, and he wanted answers now (and he couldn't hold his curiosity back any longer).

"What's your problem, Pervy Sage? I wanna go to b-e-e-e-e-e-d." The young man whined.

"In a minute, kid." Jiraiya huffed. "I just wanted to know what I stumbled upon with you and the cutie pie."

"Huh?" The oh-so articulate answer. "You mean Hinata?"

Giving a deadpan look, "No, the other girl that was there trying to lead you to her room."

"There was?" Somebody had too much sake... if it weren't for the fact he was acting remarkably like himself.

Rubbing a hand down his face in exasperation, the Sannin decided to be more straightforward. "Naruto, were you and Hinata going to her room?" That should be easy enough.

Scratching his ear, the blond responded. "Why would I be going to her room?" Then again, maybe not.

"To spend the night, of course." Seeing the blank face, he elaborated. "Not for a sleepover Naruto, but for sex."

Gaping like a fish, he shook his head and stammered. "W-w-w-hat? I... would never..." Looking away from the older man down the hall, he continued with a furious blush and seriousness. "Hinata's... just a **friend**."

Snickering to himself, Jiraiya was tempted to inform the boy that he didn't even have to _know_ a person to have sex with them, but decided not to. It would take too much energy to explain the concept, and he didn't have any left to deal with him anymore.

Walking over to younger jounin, he patted him on the head, then shoved the blond back in the direction of his door. Not caring if he figured out how to open it to get inside, Jiraiya waltzed into his own room and firmly closed the wooden panel behind him (he didn't bother to lock it considering he was an infamous ninja). Undressing on his way to the bed, he let the clothes drop wherever they landed (he liked to sleep naked once in a while) and proceeded to crawl onto the firm mattress. Getting into a somewhat comfortable position, he shut his eyes and immediately began to doze off.

Shortly after falling into a light slumber, he thought he heard the door open and close very quietly. Too tired to think on it, he ignored it and the subtle movement within the room to continue sleeping. However, when the blanket was lifted, Jiraiya became most definitely aware someone was there as the person crawled atop his frame. It was apparent the intruder was a female as he felt her breasts brush against his chest, and he had to shift his body to fight off releasing a groan.

Intrigued and uncertain as to why this woman was in his room, the Sannin watched the dark-haired female with half-lidded eyes and struggled to keep his thoughts clear while she began to place kisses on his shoulders and neck. He wanted to push her off and find out who and why she was here, but any questions he had flew out the window when her soft lips made contact with his and her tongue demanded entrance to his mouth. Well, who was he to deny her request (and if she was asking, he was **more** than willing to give)?

Catching her by surprise with his own greeting tongue, the jounin used the opportunity to explore her mouth in a smoldering kiss and to flip their positions. Noticing he had her thoroughly distracted (he had been told he had _magic_ lips), Jiraiya opened his eyes a little wider to get a clearer look at the moaning female beneath him, and who he saw almost made him stop (_**almost**_). The young, supple body belonged to none other than Hinata Hyuga.

He contemplated asking her if she made a mistake, but knew it was pointless. After all, she had the Byakugan and wouldn't make an error like this. The only 'logical' explanation he could think of was she had probably gone to Naruto's room and tried to seduce him again, yet the not-so-bright boy most likely rejected her in his own idiotic way (or in reality, he just couldn't get **it** up... poor boy). And with her needs not sated, she turned to the one being who could help her with this endeavor: him, Jiraiya the Toad Sage, author of IchaIcha and Master of the Transparency Jutsu (a feat he was quite proud of).

Satisfied with the reason (because what else could it be), the white-haired man returned his attentions to the willing Hyuga under him and their kiss. Eager to move on to _better_ things, he tore his mouth away from hers and trailed kisses down her throat towards her bosom. Marking a fiery path with his lips, Jiraiya quickly captured a puckered nipple and nibbled on it.

He could feel the weight of the breast as it bounced against his chin and was surprised by its size. Wanting to test their fullness, he released the engorged bud to suck on her neck while both his hands greedily grabbed her heaving mounds. Without a doubt, he decided Hinata had the most beautiful and bountiful breasts he ever had the privilege of handling (but Tsunade held the title of 'ginormous boobs' he had ever seen).

Having his fill of roughly massaging the Byakugan wielder's bosom (for now), the jounin's hungry mouth began a journey down her body. He suckled at her stiff nipples again, lavished her stomach with kisses, bit along the outside of her hips, licked at the back of her knees and calves, sucked on her toes, and then worked his way back to the ultimate destination: her glistening core (which he noticed **did** match her hair color).

Feeling Hinata tense slightly as he got closer to her feminine center, Jiraiya assumed she had never received the splendor of oral pleasure and was simply unaccustomed to the delights it brought. He wanted to 'tsk' at the injustice of it, but decided to use his mouth for the task ahead. The Sannin metaphorically shouldered the 'burden' of being the one to introduce the kunoichi to oral sex, and he would do so with his chin held high.

Before her raised arm could stop him, he attacked her warm folds and bundle of nerves vigorously (and might he add, quite _mercilessly_ too). Her cry of pleasure and the grip on his hair proved how well his introduction was going on her aroused young body. If he could pat himself on the back, the jounin would do so, but... his hands were a little busy at the moment.

Feasting on her _juicy_ snatch, he worked her till she was shaking from her release, and didn't give her time to recuperate before he dove right back in. Jiraiya couldn't get enough of her taste and had to have more of it. He felt like a kid in a candy store... scratch that... more like a convict recently freed from prison who was having his first **female** in years. Hell, he was a man _starved_ for a meal, and now he was _**eating**_ good.

After 'helping' her achieve multiple orgasms, he finally listened to her whimpers (which were sexy in his opinion) and parted from Hinata's delectable treat with one last lick. The Sannin prowled up her body while teasing the tips of her breasts into hard peaks, then rested his panting face at the side of her neck. All he could think was, and murmured out loud, 'Damn, this is better than _writing_ IchaIcha!'.

When she moaned at the feel of his heavy arousal between her legs, he couldn't stop himself from pushing into her to the hilt with a sharp thrust after she had wrapped her arms around his waist to encourage him further. Her tight walls gripped him fiercely upon his invasion, and he groaned along with the kunoichi. Jiraiya figured she'd be snug, but this was beyond a tight fit. He didn't want to think what the reason could be for it (she probably did kegel exercises or... never had someone as **big** as him... yep, that was it), because he was as close to heaven as he could get in her wet channel.

Grinding his pelvis against hers in a circle to stimulate the dark-haired beauty for a few minutes, he then began to gently thrust in and out of her soft body until she was able to match his motions. Once she did, the jounin quickened the pace with harder strokes, and he continued on faster when she pleaded for more and absolutely loved her nails clawing at his back for doing so.

He could feel his release approaching, so he hurried his ever-increasing jerky movements while lifting the young woman's leg over his shoulder to have her 'let go' first (because he would _sooooo_ not embarrass or shame himself by going before her). As she tossed her head back in a silent scream from her orgasm, he pierced her once more and emptied his load inside her, then collapsed onto her shuddering body.

Struggling for breath from their activities, Jiraiya was able to calm down when she rubbed her hands along his back, and he rewarded Hinata with some light kisses on her jaw line. Soon after, he pulled his length out of her to lay down on the bed, then dragged the satisfied girl on top of him. He let her sleep for a little bit before he was raring to go again, and being the gentleman he was, he woke her in the best way he could: by driving his reawakened arousal into her. After that round, the Sannin decided the third time's the charm. So, he allowed the kunoichi a short rest, then took her again. When she passed out from her intense release, he followed suit with his infamous lecherous grin on his face and a single thought...

_Dreams really do come true!!!_

The morning light rolled into the room causing the white-haired man to awake with a slight groan. Jiraiya felt like he didn't get any sleep, but suddenly couldn't care less when he realized the reason for his tiredness was still slumbering atop his body (and deliciously straddling his hips). He thought for sure she would have left by now, and he arrogantly congratulated himself for a 'job well done' in wearing her out.

Watching Hinata in curiosity, he saw a smile spread across her face as she rose to the waking world and smugly took credit for it. Despite his age, the jounin's bedroom abilities and prowess were **above** par, and the girl's reaction from not only last night, but from this morning as well, was proof enough: his _**mojo**_ was still flowing strong.

He was taken by surprise though when she sat up quickly and didn't understand why. However, all coherent thinking left his mind as he got a very clear view of her abundant chest. The Sannin heard her ask something and answered absentmindedly, because the only thoughts running in his mind while his nose began to bleed were: _I tapped that... I nailed her... I hit that... I did her... I boinked that... I screwed her...__**good**_.

As he attempted to reach for her breasts to see if they were real (since so many had implants these days... not that he was complaining), Hinata had slapped his hands away and jumped off his body. He wanted to laugh as she pitifully tried to cover herself up, instead he propped himself up comfortably and casually spoke to the fidgety girl.

"What's the point in hiding yourself when I've seen it all, Doll Face?" He bluntly told her without one ounce of shame in his voice. Besides, what did he have to be ashamed about? He gave her a night that she would never forget. EVER. For he was Jiraiya the... oh, you get the picture.

"I-I-I... y-y-you... w-w-we..." She stuttered pathetically.

In a moment of brief clarity (who could concentrate with a sexy naked woman in front of them), it occurred to him there was a possibility that their night together happened because of a mistake. He had tasted the sake in her mouth, yet tossed the implication of it aside for her moves and actions were very bold in what she wanted. The jounin didn't think to question it, but now he was wondering if he should have. Wishing to resolve the issue, he chose to be direct and maybe get some clear-cut answers.

"Yes, we..." He didn't finish, because at that moment a certain knucklehead ninja came barging into his room.

"Hey, Pervy Sage! Did... H-H-Hinata?" The younger jounin stammered at the young woman's nude form.

While he wanted to wring the fool's neck for interrupting, Jiraiya was able to see the truth in the girl's reaction. Though she didn't say anything, he could see the embarrassment, and perhaps regret, in her eyes. It stung his ego a bit to catch those emotions, but he brushed it aside. Sex was sex, and he could honestly say that he, at least, had a good time last night. So, when the Byakugan wielder left and the boy fainted, he didn't bat an eyelash at the situation.

Coming back to the present from his trip down memory lane (and successfully appeasing his _conscience_), Jiraiya noticed Naruto had curled into a ball on his floor and looked like he was pawing something in his dreams. Rolling his dark eyes at the silly gestures, he set down his notebook on the nightstand and rose from the mattress to put on a pair of boxers. Once on, the Sannin lifted a 'conveniently' placed water-filled pitcher and dumped its contents over the snoring blond. Sitting back on the bed as the boy sputtered helplessly from the lovely wake-up call, he waited for the no doubt loud response with an amused grin.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT FOR?" The younger jounin yelled indignantly as he wiped the liquid off his face.

Shrugging his shoulders, "I had nothing else better to do." And at that moment, he really didn't.

"Why you son-of-a..." he paused suddenly, then... "Hey! What happened to Hinata?" Blue eyes glanced around the room in puzzlement for the elusive female. "I was sure I remember seeing her in here."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Naruto." Jiraiya decided to mess with the kid for the fun of it, so he stated further ambiguously. "It must have been your imagination."

Scratching his head, he spoke cautiously. "But I swore I saw..."

"Nope."

"But..."

"Uh-uh."

Sighing in vexation, Naruto had a feeling he was being played for a fool. He was more than positive that the dark-haired kunoichi had been in the old pervert's room **and** that she had been completely naked as well. The young jounin knew it was possible the effects of his hangover could be playing a part in making him believe he saw her, but he was certain she had been here. Yet since she wasn't physically there, he couldn't be sure.

Rising from the floor to exit the room and to get away from the Sannin, the blond sent the older man one last grumpy look when something(s) stopped him in his tracks; and he felt sort of stupid for not noticing it sooner.

There on the floor amongst the scattered clothes of the elder jounin was a yukata obviously too small to fit the white-haired man. Not only that, the sheets on the bed were completely rumpled and had a noticeable 'stain' on them. _And_ last but not least, a particular smell permeated the air with a very distinguishable scent along with the familiar perfume of a certain kunoichi leaving no doubt of what was done the previous night.

It became obviously clear to Naruto that he was correct in his assumption of Hinata having been there, and he suddenly wished he WASN'T right since the 'evidence' meant...

"Oh... my... Ramen." The young man breathed out. "You and Hinata...," he paused, "you two had... and did...," gazing towards the mattress, "in that bed..." He shuddered visibly, then stuttered. "She... you... together...," gagging noises escaped his mouth, "with... each other... and had... had...," scrunching up his face, "eeewww... _sex_."

Clutching his stomach as it lurched when he said the 'vile' word which in turn brought **unwanted** images to his mind, Naruto couldn't hold it back any longer. "_**I think I'm gonna be sick**_." Lunging for the trash can, he began to dry heave into it.

Sighing as the kid continued his ridiculous display of retching, Jiraiya had to wonder what could be so disgusting about him and Hinata doing the nasty. They were perfectly uh... compatible... yeah, compatible in his opinion. She was a young, bright, vivacious, and voluptuous woman. He was an experienced, respected (as a ninja surely, but as a male... let's get back on topic shall we), strong, and virile man. Yep, definitely well-suited for each other.

Oh, who the hell was he kidding? Him and the Hyuga? Geez, what dream world was he living in?

If she had not made the mistake of coming to his room, and if he had not been so 'desperate' for female companionship, their ship would have never sailed off into the sunset.

Getting annoyed at his thoughts and the sound of the boy tossing his cookies, the Sannin decided enough was enough. So what they had sex? So what their night of unbridled passion was the result of a mistake? So what, in truth, the two of them would have never hooked up in 'reality'?

It happened. It was over and done with. No return on this purchase.

The blond was going to have to accept that he and the young woman slept together and move on; as well as the little lady he had the pleasure of enjoying the previous evening. Jiraiya knew she would deny anything happened at all, and he was looking forward to reminding her of what had transpired. Sooner or later.

First though, he needed to bring the knuckleheaded ninja's foolish over dramatization to an end so they all could get on with life.

Waltzing up to the hurling figure, the elder jounin swiftly kicked the kid in the ass and knocked him over in satisfaction. "Would you cut the crap all ready, Naruto?"

Turning his head to glare at the white-haired man, he silently wiped the side of his mouth and rose to a standing position. "Hey! I had every right to be puke my guts out, you old perv." He spat out heatedly.

"Hmm, you did?" Crossing his arms across his broad chest. "Why is that?"

"Because what you two did was..." he hesitated to find the rights words, "just... not normal." Well, he tried.

Shaking his snowy mane, he mumbled. "Naive boy." Patting the 'innocent' young man on his head like a child, he spoke indulgently. "As long as it's consensual, any body can have sex together. No matter who they are, how old they are, or how they look like." A hint of lecherousness creeping into his voice. "You see, Naruto. When two people, whether they're the opposite sex or same, join together in..."

"STOP!!!" The blond quickly clasped his hands over his ears when he saw the older man open his mouth to continue. "I'm not listening. La-la-la-la-la-la-la." He sang to drown out the 'speech'.

Rolling his dark eyes, Jiraiya slapped him upside the head to put a stop to the noise and achieve some silence. Once Naruto quieted, he tried a different tactic to explain things. "Geez kid, you're going to tell me that you would have turned down Hinata if she had asked you to sleep with her."

His answer was immediate. "Hell yeah, I would." At the Sannin' snort, he clarified with a slight blush spreading on his cheeks. "I have a girlfriend."

"Huh?" Eyebrows rose in surprise at the statement. It was highly unexpected. "Who's the...," _cough_, "lucky gal?"

"She's... uh...," bashfulness colored his voice, "Ayame, the daughter of the owner of Ichiraku Ramen Bar." He revealed and sagged in relief once it was out in the open. No one else had known, beside her father, and he couldn't contain 'the secret' any longer. (It was only kept a secret, because he didn't want people to think he was using her for free ramen, which he wasn't. It just happened to be a nice perk to the relationship.)

Grinning at the irony of the relationship, the Toad Sage was about to tell him what he thought of it, however he was interrupted by a yell from the boy.

"Ah shit!" Naruto groaned in realization. "I can't believe I forgot about that." Rambling on, "You and she... not supposed to happen... now she'll be in big trouble... I shouldn't have drank last night... watched out for her instead... what a mess... idiot... idiot... idiot..."

"Naruto!" The jounin cut into the babbling forcibly by grabbing the other's shoulders. "What the **hell** are you talking about?" He was getting a headache listening to him yammering on confusedly.

Blinking slowly, he told him. "Hinata's getting married. As in a Hyuga-arranged political marriage to the son of a feudal lord. And if they find out what happened between you two..." he stopped to think about the possible outcome, and exclaimed, "Wow, you're screwed!" Glancing down, then back up with a wicked grin. "Say good-bye to your balls, Pervy Sage."

Shoving the laughing younger man away, Jiraiya absorbed the information he was just given and mentally cringed at what Hiashi Hyuga would do to him if he ever found out about the night he spent with his daughter. He may have been one of the Legendary Sannin, however he didn't believe even he could stand the wrath of a father's rage. (And he had his fair share of fathers 'chasing' him away from their daughters.)

But then the thought of seeing the head of the Hyuga clan's face when he heard the sordid details of the 'affair' had him rethinking the idea of keeping everything hush-hush. He just knew the reaction of the stoic man would be priceless, and the temptation was too hard to resist. Besides, he would love to stick it to the arrogant male and revel in shaking up his image of his prim and proper little girl.

Speaking of said girl, nothing would please him more than rattling her world (in every sense) again with his very presence. To watch her struggle in embarrassment to explain the situation with her usual shy nature was going to be a hoot to witness. Not to mention, she will no doubt quiver in remembrance of their time well-spent together.

Jiraiya would show her that no one could walk away from him and not be affected, especially someone who had had no intention of sleeping with him in the first place.

Suddenly, a light bulb flicked on in his devious mind.

Yes, he'll show her. He **will** go to the Hyuga compound unannounced and uninvited. He **will** interrupt the marriage proceedings. He **will** reveal what had happened. He **will** enjoy in the mayhem it will cause. And he **will**, most assuredly, seduce the young woman to his bed without any false pretenses.

After all, he had to rectify her 'mistake' and prove that the mighty Toad Sage was always the choice to make. No matter what.

Plus, all of it would make for a magnificent new series of IchaIcha. Hmm, maybe call it IchaIcha Pursuit (he felt it was _now_ a game of cat and mouse), or IchaIcha Conquest (he'd love to share his tale of _conquering_ her body), or better yet, IchaIcha Theft (because he was sure _robbing_ the cradle with this girl).

Nodding to himself on his 'brilliant' plan, the Sannin realized he had to get moving to Konoha since he didn't know when the ceremony was going to take place. He certainly wasn't about to ask the blonde, because it might give away his motives for his return to the village, and no one needed to know what they were. If someone did, it would take all the fun out of his plan, and he definitely didn't want that.

"Naruto," calling the guffawing boy's attention, "let's just pack our stuff and head on out of here." He said, ignoring and not replying to what was last spoken between them.

"Pack? Head out of here?" Confusion laced his tone and made him momentarily forget the previous conservation. "To where?"

Glaring at him in irritation, "Where else, numbskull? Konoha."

"All... right." The younger jounin agreed reluctantly and eyed him suspiciously. Then something dawned on him. "But what about..."

"Don't worry, Naruto. Everything's going to be fine." He pacified the boy. "Go grab your stuff, so we can leave this place sometime today." (Preferably within the hour, but he kept that to himself.)

As he walked to the door, Jiraiya could barely suppress the anticipation coursing through him. He was looking forward to seeing his Doll Face (and her _great pair of tits_) but, most of all, the probable reunion. Oh, what a reunion it will be...

A "Hey, Pervy Sage?" broke through his musings of a naked Hinata in an exquisite pliable position.

"Yes?" He answered distractedly while grabbing the door knob.

"Before we leave," Naruto began in a calm voice, then a scowl formed on his face and he bellowed, "For Kami's sake, would you **please** PUT THE REST OF YOUR CLOTHES ON!?!"

Well, no one ever said Jiraiya always thought with the right head.

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Well, what do you think? Was it worth the wait to read Jiraiya's thoughts during his time with Hinata? Or how about Naruto's reaction? I don't know if I got him the way I wanted to well enough. Oh well. Anyway, yes Hinata is getting married, but you'll have to wait till next chapter to know the 'deeper' meaning of her wanting to sleep with Naruto before she is married off. Also, she doesn't know he has a girlfriend, because like I said it was a secret. Hmm, I hope it wasn't confusing in any way, and that I didn't mess up my own plot. Whatever, let me know what you thought.

And I hope Jiraiya's plan doesn't seem too silly. As I've said, I wanted to continue the sense of ridiculousness of this story, so that's why it might seem poorly thought out or too far out for Jiraiya. But you gotta keep in mind that he's 1) a little insulted for being a mistake, 2) he wants to prove that he can be desirable to her, and 3) well, he would really love to see the reaction froms Hiashi and Hinata.

Next chapter, Hinata's more focused thoughts on her night with Jiraiya, her pre-nuptials, and the Toad Sage's uninvited appearance at the Hyuga compound.

So, please be kind and review.

DOTS


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